Havoc at CoB as Things Can Only Get Better!

Coaches at City of Birmingham were left star-struck on Monday at Nechells Wellbeing Centre, after returning for duty from a busy weekend of fixtures.  Pandemonium ensued as the previously heralded coaching team seemingly turned into a bunch of young teenage girls at a Justin Bieber concert, as NBA legend Hakeem Olajuwon turned up to the first training session of the week.

Young players were left concerned about preparation for next weekend’s matches.  One worried young brummie was overheard saying “They said we could just do what we wanted today – I’ve not had such an easy time in me loife!  Even me first free session on a Saturday morning, when I was seven, was easier than this.”


Concerns voiced: coaches acted “out of character”

Coach Catlow was spotted in a dazed stupor, resembling a child at Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. And leisure centre security had to be called to tear Coach Lewis off Olajuwon after clinging on to his midriff.


Melee: Security struggled to separate the crowd from the NBA All-Star


Mementos of the day were at a premium however; Coaches Malcolm and Williams had to be satisfied with an autograph and photo between them.  Coach Wilson fared little better after leaping to grab a price tag that Olajuwon had left on his tracksuit bottoms.  However there were accusations of positions of authority being abused, as directors Kirk Dawes and Coach Palmer left gleefully clutching a bead of sweat and a dry bogey respectively, which they had managed to catch as Olajuwon made his way up the steep staircase.


Overcome: Coach Palmer struggled to cope with the emotion of the event

Coaches had to deal with their personal relationships after the chance encounter, and did so with varying degrees of success.  Coach Rupra’s wife Sharan was told that her new Mercedes was just the start of a flood of gifts from her beloved, local florists reporting shortages as hubby Raj continued to show his gratitude for her spotting Olajuwon in Birmingham a couple of weeks ago.  Rupra beamed “She made a lot of men very happy this evening” before leaving for home, where neighbours reported hearing him serenade her with Aerosmith numbers on Amar’s karaoke machine.

Coach Coles did less well, his better half keeping an eagle eye on him as he turned to jelly, playing with his imaginary hair and fraternising with the big American.

Finally, the team did spare a thought for the absent family Lacey, currently in Mexico for their wedding.  The eldest son is allegedly refusing to forgive his father for missing the visit of a player considered the best forward of all time.  Coach Lacey has in turn gone missing, witnesses reporting that his wedding plans appeared to be in as much turmoil as his mind was at missing out on meeting the NBA All-Star.  Mexican authorities will continue to investigate.


Loco in Acapulco: Lacey was spotted “in turmoil” at a local bar


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